DJ Khaled, Donald Trump and the keys to success…

Abraham Woodliff
3 min readNov 22, 2016

In America we have developed a love of success, a culture completely driven upon the foundation of excess and the ability to consume, everyone in America is a consumer, but what defines us in the eyes of society is what we have the ability to consume and how we’ve attained that ability.

Symbols of failure and success are all around us; everyday we see the man in his mid 40’s who has a brand new BMW and we make silent calculations about his salary, what kind of job he has and how he potentially got that job. On the same street we may see a man who is less fortunate; waiting at a bus stop, with a raggedy backpack on and an old bike on his side. We have been taught to silently assess the value of a person based on the retail value of the products they can purchase.

The question many people in America ask themselves is how do they become rich in order to buy the products that project an image of success?

A man named DJ Khaled may have the answer…

DJ Khaled is not a handsome man, he doesn’t seem to be an exceptionally bright man, nor does he seem to be a talented man. If you were to go to wikipedia and look up the production credits for one of his many albums you may notice that he actually has very little input on the songs that compose the album. He’s not a rapper and he doesn’t make the instrumentals. So what does he do?

He tells you repeatedly that he is the best! He’s number one. He’s going to hit you with another one! You can even make comparisons between DJ Khaled’s success in Hip Hop and Donald Trump’s unexpected success thus far on the campaign trail. Both have the capacity to endlessly boast about things that really can’t be proven. And that is where the magic lies.

Donald Trump has confidently said that bankruptcy is good business, and people seem to believe it. Several experts have factually stated that having multiple bankruptcies is nothing to brag about, and they’re right, but they’re also wrong. Is bankruptcy a sign of good business acumen? No. Is bragging about bankruptcy like it’s some grand strategy to project your brilliance a good tactic? Apparently it’s a good enough strategy to potentially make you president of the United States. So the answer is unabashedly yes.

Another key to success is never be afraid to look like a moron. Donald Trump has a horrible tan, horrible hair, thin yet powdy lips and has actually criticized people for being ugly. Incredible. DJ Khaled spliced in scenes from a sex tape in a promotional video for his record entitled I Changed A lot. While having sex with an unnamed women Khaled continually repeats “You smart. You loyal. You a genius.” His new record Major Key made it to number one on the billboard charts. Fantastic.

We’re lucky Donald Trump is a major Islamophobic dick and DJ Khaled grew up in a Muslim household because if these two men ever joined forces the world may never be the same.

There is a book called The Secret that was released in 2005. In the book they tell you that the secret to success is positive visualization. If you take their advice in addition to being an absurdly obnoxious, self aggrandizing prick who is completely impervious to embarrassment wealth will probably follow… They may be on to something.



Abraham Woodliff

Bay Area native, Hip Hop nerd, literature and poetry enthusiast, freelance writer, gamer, caffeine addict. Follow me on Twitter.