Let’s face it, Thanksgiving is a shitty consumerist holiday!

A picture of a happy family selling you some disgusting, dry ass turkey.

Another year, another Thanksgiving. That special time when a bunch of people, only connected by genetic bond, are forced to sit in a room and pretend to enjoy each other’s company.

We don’t know why we’re forced to do it. Something about Native Americans and Pilgrims. You know, American stuff. But to base a holiday on the idea that white settlers and natives were able to peacefully coexist seems especially disingenuous considering what’s happening right now regarding the oil pipeline in North Dakota.

Are we doing it because we love our family? Well, if you love your family and your family loves you, you don’t need some sort of antiquated tradition requiring you to spend time with them, in order to spend time with them, right?

So if this holiday doesn’t mean anything historically, nor does it enhance personal relationships with family members, what does it do?

Well, it gets you to spend money…

Happy Thanksgiving!